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Thursday, January 5, 2012

Our Beginning

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

When my husband and I first received the news about our son's diagnosis for down syndrome we had no one to turn to. Of course our family and friends stepped in with support but no one that had been in our shoes. That was until a friend of a friend from my hometown got in touch with me. She shared her story and told me about her blog. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Her son was also born with DS and I finally felt like I had someone to relate to. Her story and continued support made me realize life would be ok and I would be happy again and for that I will forever be grateful. I want to share my story in hopes that it will help someone else as Katherine has helped me. And if nothing else it's kinda therapeutic to get my thoughts together!!! So hang with me as I tell our story......

 For those of you who do not know me, all I've ever wanted to be was a mom. I've never longed for a high paying career or any of life's finest things... Just to be a MOM! So as soon as Wyatt and I got married we started trying to build our family! We were beyond excited when the test showed positive! That excitement soon turned to heartache when we went through a  miscarriage Christmas 2010. I allowed myself a few weeks to cry and be depressed and then I knew I had to snap out of it. I've never been one to give up so we started trying again as soon as the doctor cleared us! We found out we were expecting again in February, but this time we tried not to get too excited... We wanted to wait until we heard that sweet heart beat! That day finally came and we had never been so happy! We went month after month to the doc and everything seemed fine... That was until our 20 week ultrasound! We were a basket of nerves sitting in the waiting room knowing after this day we will know if this precious gift is a boy or girl :-) It didn't take long for us to see our sweet Kayson was a boy! Wyatt's face lit up and I've never seen him so proud! The tech got through with the scan and then said she saw a few things of concern and the doc would discuss it with us! Again our hearts just sank... But we tried to stay positive. We were then referred to a specialist in Jackson, Ms. We went home that weekend to see our family and announce the news of Kayson but decided not to tell anyone about the concerns the doc had! That was the weekend of July 4th which is my birthday... So of course we had our usual cook out at the river and we put our happy faces on when inside we were a ball of nerves! July 5th we saw DR. Perry the fetal specialist... He performed the ultrasound and then spoke the words " down syndrome"... Kayson had all the signs and he wanted to test my amniotic fluid to get a positive diagnosis. The test would take 10 days to come in! It was the longest wait of our lives... But it didn't take the full 10 days, Dr. Perry called the following week and my heart stopped as soon as I saw his number on my phone. All I could think was he can't tell me yet Wyatt isn't home and I can't handle this by myself. I answered and he confirmed his diagnosis... Kayson would be born with down syndrome. All I remember was melting to the floor and crying like I had never cried before. What had I done wrong?!?? Why is this happening to us?!? Am I strong enough to handle this?!?! These are all the questions that kept running through my mind! Wyatt got home soon after and didn't take the news well either. We cried together and yelled together and we were angry!!! Why was God doing this to us? We had prayed so hard for this child so why us? Would Kayson be able to play ball? Or live on his own? We had these big dreams of retirement in the smokies and it all seemed to crumble in an instant... The dreams we had for Kayson crumbled! Would he ever play ball at state or get married or have kids of his own? The "what if's" kept playing over and over in my head. But you see God knows what we NEED... We may WANT for something or even someone but God knows what or who we need! And we needed Kayson! We wiped our tears away and started to realize things would be ok. God is still blessing us with a child! I still got angry when teen mom would come on tv or I'd hear of someone getting pregnant and having a normal happy pregnancy when they didn't even want or pray for a baby! But the further along I got I realized that God picked us! He has trusted us to take care of this child!!! We know everything happens for a reason and we may not understand why we were picked but we are trusting in God's will. After learning of the positive test for DS I was sent to several more specialist. We learned Kayson would be born with an AV canal heart defect and also a duodenal attrita which is a blockage between his stomach and intestines. So we knew to expect surgery after Kayson arrived! We started having 2 ultrasounds a week to check the fetal stress, because babies born with down syndrome are more likely to be stillborn. I put on a smile at our baby shower but the whole time I was counting kicks to make sure he was moving enough!!! The doctors planned to induce labor on Nov 11, 2011 to avoid any complications so that's what we planned on! But baby Kayson had plans of his own... I woke up early the morning of October 27 and realized my water had broken!!! Nervous does not explain how I was feeling... I was scared for our baby! I was only 36 weeks! My labor went perfect and our doctor let us hold Kayson for a few minutes before the nurses swept him away to the Nicu.  He has had two surgeries since then, one to fix the blockage between his intestines and stomach, and another to perform a nissen (which helps with GERD) and also to put in a feeding tube or g-tube. Although Kayson can and will take a bottle his heart condition limits his energy and he tires out before he is finished. It's become sort of a balancing act....we want him to conserve as much energy as possible but also don't want him to forget how to eat. After a six week stay in the Nicu, Kayson finally got to come home...Just in time for Christmas :) And what a wonderful Christmas is was!!! We know we have a difficult road ahead of us but we also know God is in control. Kayson is such a testament to the power of prayer and continues to amaze me everyday.  God is good ALL the time never doubt that...even when you think your life is falling apart!! He has a plan we just have to trust in him!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you decided to share your story! Kayson is such a precious little guy and I know God is going to use him to do great things! I'm so thankful to have you to relate to and glad that Parker's story encouraged you during such a tough time. I loved reading your first blog and will be praying that Kayson continues to stay healthy!